Caden at 2 months

My nephew is so adorable I want a kid!!!!!!!!! JK not for a while but seriously how could you not love this face!

my thoughts written down

I am getting so excited that school is almost over. I am way to excited about the fact that I'm done with my lower division GE classes after this semester. Although a bummer that I still have I think about 9 upper division GE's, it shouldn't be that bad. It's weird because I feel so young and so far along, however I LOVE IT. Though I have regretted alot of decesions in my past, I am thankful for them because they got me to where I am today. I feel proud and accomplished, something that has been hard for me to feel on my own my whole life. From when I have 8 scorring the most goals in a soccer game and the refferee telling me I needed to sit out to give others a chance, to getting into a University, I never felt good enough or accomplished on my own. I was always sad that I didn't have the tyoe of parents handing me money for good grades, because I tried so very hard. It is nice to get reccognition, but I don't even like it. I guess I like people to be jelous of me. What a horrible thing to say, but I think I have wanted soemthing I never had my whole life, and for once I feel like Im on my wayto having everything, and have as much as I want for now. I have many more things to work on, but for now I am happy.

Since Yesterday was Mother's Day, I hope everyone got to love and cherish their Mothers. I thankfully enough got to celebrate with 3 mothers: mine, my boyfriends mom and my sister. My sister is anew Mom of almost 2 months and I think she enjoyed being celebrated. Mothers are so important and I think it is important for them to know how you truly feel about them. I feel I am finally at that age where I am becoming independent and aren't such a "pain in the ass". My parents, especially my Mom have been through a lot with me and I know I mean the world to her and she would do anything for me, even to just make me smile. Family is forever and I'm thankful to have a wonderful one.




There is a website I enjoy, and people get a chance to anonymously share their deepest secrets. The website posts these secrets every Sunday, so yesterday, they titled them "Mother's Day Secrets". I found this one to the right very touching and extremely sad. It really made me appreciate everything I have, and I hope it hits the hearts of everyone who sees it.

Busy Bee

I hate feeling defeated. I hate feelign like no matter what I do it's never going to be good enough. I am proud of myself and I know others are, but I feel like I'm always going to want more. Yes, that is part of life, but it is so frusterating. I think it's just that time of year. The time when schools almost out and teachers are cramming. I'm actually not happy that I am going to be free from school for 3 months. As far back as I can remember I have been taking summer classes to get ahead or caught up. I think they paid off since I have always had a pretty light load and am now transfering yet again to a University. It's going to feel wierd not taking a class. It's hard for me to cope with, because I feel so behind in upper division work and I need to take a class at CSUN, but I can't until Fall. So there is pretty much nothing else I can do except wait and then be overwhelmed. Having a job and going to college can be alot to handle. I feel like I am so busy with everything, I barely have time for my family and boyfriend. I never have time to myself, and I am starting to get used to it. I have always been a dependent person, but I at that age where I need to fend for myself and fight the odds.

TWLOHA, the story

The Silent Word

Depression is often something overlooked and not taken seriously. 121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. That’s a huge portion of society that is in an unhealthy mental state and is battling the long fight to regain happiness. About 2/3 of the people with depression don’t seek treatment. Treatment and awareness is sometimes hard to find, but when untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide, and suicide is the third leading cause of death among teenagers, I think it should be talked about and open to the public as a worldwide issue and struggle. These facts came from a website, twloha.com, and is an incredible website.


“To Write Love On Her Arms” is a non-profit movement, which seeks to provide hope, support, help, love, awareness, and much more to people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. The website is updated often and has some very touching and eye-opening blogs. I believe it is often hard for people to understand their own feeling and this website helps provide people with support and let them know they are not alone. It is so relevant to anyone who has lost someone, themselves struggling, or just want to help those with depression.


Depression is becoming a worldwide issue. People are struggling everywhere, especially in this economy, for their lives. Suicide to those depressed often seems like the easy way out, but in reality it is giving up, and hurting those around them. Most people are unaware of this, but there is even a National Suicide Day. This day should be valued way higher then it is. More awareness needs to sweep our country, state, city, and schools. Depression is such a hard uphill battle, but I believe others can help people get through it. It is heart wrenching to read people’s struggles with mental health issues. What is even more scary is how unaware and quite people are with this horrific issue. Action needs to sweep our economy, people need to be more aware, and more need to lend a helping hand to the millions struggling. I think it would be best to start in the schools, where most teenagers attend, because they are committing suicide for reasons most never know. Depression is preventable and treatable. Something treatable should not be taking so many young lives from their loved ones. Help can be found in this society of fame and money; and it is up to the general public to move toward it and become active in the community.

attack of the lady bugs

It was the weirdest thing. Me and my boyfriend took a little vacation to Huntington Beach and after the longest bike ride of my life(we decided to take cruisers all the way from our condo to the pier and it was like 5 miles against the wind) I couldn't wait to lay down on the sand. It was a beautiful day, about 80 degrees and the beach was packed. So we lay down and start putting sun screen on and all the sudden I am feeling a few bugs on me. I hate bugs more then anything, but it was a relief that i looked down and it was only a lady bug. Well one lady bug turned into 100 in a matter of seconds. We look around us and we are, as well as tons of other people around us are surrounded by thousands of lady bugs. We are swatting them left and right and I stood up freaking out and trying to run from them yelling at my boyfriend to get them away. I have never been so terrified of lady bugs in my life. They wouldn't leave and when they land on you, they stick. It was awful I almost had a panic attack, we had to migrate about a mile away to get away from them. I have never heard about anything like that it it was definitely an experience Ill never forget. I have probably seen about 10 lady bugs my whole life, and that day I saw thousands and never want to see another one again!

my nephew

Holding him, looking at him, and just being in his presence is a joy. This is the first new born I have ever been around and I couldn't be more excited to be apart of his life and watch him grow up. It's crazy how you could love something from the second they are born. Babies really are miracles. Questions run through my head. How does his body know how to breath? How does his body know how to swallow, how to blink, and how to digest? It is truly amazing how a person begins life. It's hard to imagine I was ever that small, or even anyone, but we all start out that way. It really makes you appreciate all your parent had to do for you and all the long hours in the middle of the night, sleep deprived, your Mom had to care for you. A friend once told me, "your Mom will always love you more then you love them". I think I can finally see that. Before even knowing your Mom, before experiencing love or knowing what it is, your Mom loved you. I wonder what thoughts, feelings, sensations, run through Caden's head. Babies are truly extraordinary. I love my nephew so much and I am so blessed to have an amazing family who supports my 22 year old sister's decisions in providing and taking care of Caden in their home.

The challeneges faced living with your collegues

Living at home, you get everything you need. Well not necessarily, but growing up with your parents is much of a treat. Not having to worry about paying the mortgage, providing groceries for the house, paying the gardener, and numerous other expenses I know nothing about. So you have been waiting to move away from home for the past say 4 years, and the time finally comes and you get accepted into a college and you get to move into the dorms. It's a relief when you find out you can even get your own room, just share the suite like an apartment. The bills are paid for, your parents support you more then ever because they want you to succeed in college and more so in life.

Little do people know, your forced to live and get along with a bunch of strangers. Living at home is completely different because you live with ones you love and have known your whole life. But now, you are forced to live with people and the only common thing between you and the people may be that you attend the same college. You could live with people from different cities, different states, and possibly even different countries; boy what a cultural shock that would be. People have in their heads that they can't wait to meet their "lifelong friends" their "sisters they never had", but once they get settled into the dorm they are in for complete shock.

People are used to where they live and the people around them, and that is why they have several common interests and ideas, which unite them as friends. The people are college are diverse. They are completely different from what you expected and that comes as a shock. Disappointment come when your "suitmate" is a slob, stuck-up bitch, rude, and a complete nightmare. So besides one, you could see yourself being friends with everyone else. But when your in a suite with 8 girls, alliances are being made, back stabbing and gossip runs under the shut doors. It is then when you realize, you are at this huge University alone. You miss your friends and even more you miss your family. It is then when you realize how amazing your home is and how it will always be your home no matter what. Yes, for most adaptable people, it is easy to get-along with others, but getting along isn't enough to consider a person friend. getting along almost means tolerating a person. A friend shows empathy, compassion, longing, and wanting to be with you.

My experience at SDSU was nothing like I expected. I did have a horrible roommate, I did "get along" with the rest of them, and I was lucky enough to meet an amazing friend, my long lost sister, and i loved her. Even though we lived 5 hours away from each other, we had college and we were in it together until the end. The past year came tumbling down when she decided to go to a University in Mexico, and I never saw her again. I was hit with reality the hard way and was reminded once again that my family wouldn't leave me like that. Not even would my friends from home, or my boyfriend.They could never leave me and that it because that love is greater than any friend you meet at college or person on the street.